3 AM ramblings

Time goes by quickly spent online. It goes by generously when reading a book.

Today I removed the clutter from my desk and sat down at it for the first time in weeks. On the right side I've created a pile of material I'm unable to shelf - books, journals, magazines. Before opening my textbook to study I took a moment to peruse through the pile.

In it was:

- A soup and salad cookbook I bought 2 years ago that I've yet to cook from.
- An issue of SELF magazine and an issue of Marie Claire.
- A "diary" I write in maybe once a month. I wrote a page in.
- Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Eliot
- References for my senior thesis that I haven't looked at in weeks

I was very much inspired by my pile. My cookbook reminded me to start shopping for healthy foods again, simple foods, like bananas, spinach, cherry tomatoes... nothing fancy. I picked up an awesome tri-cep workout from SELF magazine that requires no weights or gym. Something I read from Passion and Purity

"We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine Patter for Good are asked to believe him."
When will we find it? we ask. The answer is, Trust Me.
How will we find it? The answer again is Trust Me.

I've been thinking about my intimacy from God ever since I got back from my church's spring retreat. I've realized how much I've shortchanged our relationship. When I got to know God better in college, I started talking to Him more on a daily basis. They're little exclamations I exert throughout the day, "Lord, give me patience", "God get me out of here", "God, I suck", "God, he/she sucks". Every day I say and do these things. Every day I thought that this conversational intimacy was indicative of a strong faith. But faith and trust are two different things. I talk to God because I know He's real and I know he hears me. But there hasn't been much follow through. No reverence. I don't know how much I really really trust and rely on the sovereignty of God. I've forgotten what its like to trust.

Its good to sit at my desk again. The kitchen table is no place for inspiration!