Aybaybay

I love time away from blogger, facebook, aim, digsby...whatever. You know you're having fun when you're too engrossed in the moment to post about it. But here I am, back to talk smack.

Life Updates

Session A at UCLA was a mistake! I did terribly. I made very poor choices in classes. Political theory is one thing, indoctrination is completely another, even for a liberal institution like LA. Wasted 600 bucks on a crazy professor who hated me because I did not believe the Robert Gates incident was a matter of significance or race.

Commuting for Session A was also a mistake. I should've lived in my own apartment instead of subletting it out. I spent 300 on gas during a month and a half (which included all kinds of other driving). That is a lot of money. But more disconcerting to me was that it was a waste of time. I am a person who would rather buy time than buy gas.

Job search.
Don't ask. I'll tell when something solid comes up. For now, I am looking everywhere.

Torrance.
The first 3 weeks of living at home were rough (wow that is an understatement). I got yelled at over all kinds of rules I didn't know I was even violating until my mom exploded one night after dinner. Thankfully I do not have a curfew (I end my days at 10pm sometimes... the last thing I want to do is go home and do nothing. I want to eat tacos or watch movies late into the night!) but I have to call my mom constantly on nights when I'll be late. I'm not good at doing that. Chronic phone-call evade-ster (terrible attempt to be cute with words).

James Yang (who recently moved to Torrance) introduced me to the batting cages at Wilson Park! $1 for 12 pitches. Great stress reliever. Thank you James. You do not even know my blog exists and will you probably never find out.

Also, though I miss 10pm Drake Stadium runs, I've found something better and that is the Hermosa Beach strip. There is no greater motivation for running than the calm of the cool ocean breeze! 5 minutes away! I love West Torrance.

And of course, the best thing about Torrance are the home friends I've physically missed while away in college. Sometimes you just won't to hold and smell your loved ones, ya know? No?
Keeping in touch wasn't hard over the years but how great can relationships really be via texts messages, wall posts, superpokes, ....crazy AIM convo-like-action on someone else's facebook status update (madness). Even if while I'm at home, I still don't have the time to see my friends, it's comforting to know that they're still within convenient range for late night coffee runs-whenever.

LA is great. But Torrance is good. And I like 'good' right now.


Deep (random) thoughts.
"There's a difference between being alone and being with people that make you feel alone" - Robin Williams at the premiere of his new movie World's Greatest Dad

I can't relate to that quote presently, but I'm sure I've been there before. All of us have. On a lighter note, I definitely want to see his movie. Robin Williams shines through in his darker film roles (ie. What Dreams May Come, Good Will Hunting, House of D, etc.).

God.
Do you ask yourself these questions? "What is God telling me at this point in my life? Where is He taking me? How big is my faith? What should I read, do, learn to grow better? How shall I serve? How do I defend against controversial social issues?"

Religion is a prison when it becomes egocentric. These questions are the reason why Christianity is so unappealing to the world. In the end, all it amounts to is the real question, "How shall I seem?"

Faith to me is simple. It's about knowing God. I don't know where in the bible it says this, but I know somewhere it says that even for eternity long we will never know all of God's attributes. They are infinite. That's a lot. But that's the kind of journey I want to be on.

None of us have him all figured out. And that's exciting. I don't want to rely on my own strength to change... asking those redundant questions all the time....but I want to be changed by more knowledge of Him. Everyday is a choice. You wake up and choose to live for yourself or you choose to seek God... learn something new about WHO GOD IS (WHO IS HE??????) and then life unfolds before your eyes in the most mysterious way.

Most days, God does nothing in my life. The reason is obvious. But the days I do choose God- they're so humbling and grand. I read the Psalms because of how personal they are. David chose God in the worst of times... in defeat, in hunger, in fear, and beautiful words would come out his mouth. Upon lament "My God, My God why have you forsaken me??????", David still gave praise: "Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you...from birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God. "

It's not about being like David. Seek God and you will be like David.
This is what I have realized in my post-college struggles. And it did not come from some crazy moment or experience. It started simply with the word. John 1:1 makes sense for the first time now. hello. In the beginning was the word. And the word was with God. and the Word was God. You know the deal.

My last words. Uncle Spurg says them best.

"And I will remember My covenant." — Genesis 9:15

My looking to Jesus brings me joy and peace, but it is God's looking to Jesus which secures my salvation - Charles Spurgeon.

P.S.
Life is hard. I won't pretend like its going good/easy right now. But hey guess what? I got a second ear piercing. on a whim! its cute. I'll show you later. bye.